Monday, April 10, 2006

requiem for a dream

waking up too early
maybe we can sleep in
make you banana pancakes
can't you see, can't you see,
you gotta wake up slow

insomnia. by force of university. not by mental disability. i want to be sleeping. every part of my body is screaming at me to quit being conscious. buuuut i can't. too much to do, not enough [waking] hours in the day. the thursday night den party has become a pseudo-ritual, and sleeping on the weekends is usually optional anyway, so regardless of the fact that i find surreality around every corner and nearly every word that comes out of anyone's mouth sounds like it is being filtered through a fog horn, i'm awake. fun, fun, fun. [ i'm almost proud of it, in a way. 17 hours over the course of 4 days...that's pretty badass. psychotic, but badass.]
i am the sleepy hippie. and apparently, there is a boy in hawaii who is perfect for me. !

-the Parisian [but not the Figo]
-le Chardonnay
-high heels and slinky black shirts
-being 2006 NCAA Hockey champs GO BADGERS
-chats in the den, traversing across campus, and chapstick
-going barefoot, getting muddy, and playing with trees (literally)
-allen ginsberg on display in the public library
-finding [empty] bottles of mentholmint schnapps from dr. mcgillicuddy
-chocolate chip banana pancakes

terribly excited for this summer/next year. but also absolutely, terrifically depressed. i don't know what i'm going to do without my 2 favorite girls. they are my insides, the stuff of my heart, the best parts of me. even some of the best nights in college can't add up to the most random five minutes with them, and i feel like this separation means we're really growing up. BUT. i am not totally disheartened, because i do not think this is the end. not by a long shot. hear me girls? you're not going anywhere. even if we're MIA from the physical presence of each other for an extended period of time...this means nothing. nothing can break what we have. i love you.

you're beautiful when you're tired. i can just feel it, the falling. everytime you blink, with those sleepy eyes, that pirate smile - there i go again. we're idiots, babe.

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