Thursday, June 14, 2007

come hell or high water

I remember when the whales had wings, she said. Whatever happened? I said. It got to be too noisy with all the airplanes & other stuff, so they flew into the ocean & never came back. Some days, she added, I think about going too.

"Be clearly aware of the stars and INIFINITY ON HIGH"
said Vincent Van Gogh, to his brother Theo.

how are we aware of infinity on high? being clearly i have to keep my eyes open until they are scalded by the light? because the light from the stars is late. 60 million years too late. it's not even really there anymore; we're only seeing the residue it left in traveling time particles. am i the only person whose heart stammers at the thought? because staring at the shadows on your face and not being able to touch them is like this to me. you know what i mean. [this reminds me of singing gloria in excelsies deo, and i have no idea why.] how can we move through our own lives without questioning our knowing that the forward motion isn't actually sideways, or worse yet, imaginary? i think the breaking point comes when you're sitting across the room from someone and you can feel the space between. i'm real close to that, man. i told you once, i told you twice. if i have to tell you a third time, i might evaporate.

you want to travel? you hate foreign countries.
i did. but i don't anymore. and you've turned me in to someone else. you've made me want things i never thought i would want.
black shirt leaning quiet into my ear following my ankles with rusty eyes.
i run far and wide and know that i can return to that, still steady.
nothing is steady like that. except for now.
trying to avoid the thought of leaving. sneaking around corners with lenses
attempting to capture the perfect
the perfect unknowing glance.
i am leaping through the water, but i dive up and down
over the surface of the waves as if it
were not a barrier;
i can see the underside of your heart from there.

these are the names of my love songs:
nearly crying at the epiphany of [saeglopur] sigur ros
"i am a monster! i am a beast!" - large black man on library mall. he was cute.
blowing bubbles at passing folk from the platform.
"it's easy to lose your mind, being on planet earth and all." - denis; a phone conversation at shakti.
boys in my kitchen.
[chelsea hotel no. 2] leonard cohen
flirting with the mysterious colombian man at work.
"this is two years of everything all wrapped up in one human being... my god, i'm sexually frustrated for you!" - the wife.
[bang the doldrums] fall out boy.

let us go!
though we know it's a hopeless endeavor
the ties that bind, they are barbed and spined
and hold us close forever.

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